When Hearts Clash
by Teekoness
Summary: During the preperation for the androids, Goku is worried that Vegeta and Bulma won't get together and thus he forges a plan. Unfortunately for him, hearts don't always clide... sometimes they clash. Warning: Permanent hiatus, old fic
1.

Son Goku was worried. He was worried bad.

Three months had past since Future Trunks had come from the future to warn them about the arrival of the androids, and told Goku about his heritage: That he was a hybrid, the half-saiyan, half-earthling son of Bulma and Vegeta as unlikely as it might sound.

Trunks had convinced Goku not to tell his to-be parents that they would get together, but after all this time, as far as Goku could tell there was absolutely no sign of Bulma and Vegeta getting together. Not even the tiniest.

And so Goku sat there at the breakfast table with Gohan gulping down his ten eggs, thirty pancakes, and eight pieces of toast on one side, and Chi Chi eating her own moderate portion on the other.

What if Trunks was never born? Would they all forget that the androids were coming? Would the boy from the future simply disappear? Or would something else happen?

What could he do to stop any of that happening? Vegeta and Bulma from what he heard avoided each other every chance they got. Was there anyway to get them together?

"Tousan, you have hardly touched your food," Gohan said. That wasn't like his father to skip any sort of meal.

"Are feeling okay?" Chi Chi asked, pressing her hand onto Goku's forehead.

That was it FOOD, he realised. He remembered talking to Bulma and her mentioning that ever since Vegeta had moved into Capsule Corp., that large amounts of food had been disappearing from the refrigerator in the middle of the night. It hadn't taken her long to catch the Prince of Saiyans in the act.

If anything would get Vegeta to be in the same place as Bulma without needing to drag him halfway around the planet, food would. Getting Bulma there would be the easy part in comparison.

"Chi Chi, could we have a party?" he said all of a sudden.

"Sorry Goku, but I am trying to find Gohan a new tutor," she answered. 

"But Kaasan," begged Gohan, giving his mother a puppy-dog look, "You remember what happened with the last one." The last tutor of Gohan's hadn't really worked out, especially the part about Gohan crushing his hand (by accident) and Chi Chi chasing the tutor out of the house after he had made fun of Goku.

"Well… that won't happen again," Chi Chi stated firmly. "Sorry Goku."

Goku sighed, then an idea sprung in his head. HE could cook the meal.

Feel exhilarated, he jumped to his feet and headed out of the kitchen and headed for the door. He could hardly wait until he got started. He knew a great apple tree, the perfect fishing pond, the best places for berries, the ultimate spot for…

"Uh Tousan," said Gohan eyeing his father's food with an obvious longing, "are you going to eat that?"

Well, maybe after some breakfast.

* * *

__

Four hours later.

"Bulma deary," chimed a voice.

Bulma looked from the project she was working on to see her mother standing at the door of her lab.

"Yes?" she said.

"I just got a call from that big muscular hunk of a friend of yours," chirped Mrs. Briefs, "he says he is having a party at his house and you and Vegeta are invited."

Hmm… the words 'muscular hunk' meant that Master Roshi was out of the picture and 'big' meant it couldn't be Krillin or Choutzu, and her mother usually added the words 'green elf' if it were Kami or Piccolo. Bulma doubted that Yamcha or Tien would invite Vegeta anywhere let alone to their houses. She wasn't even sure if Tien had a home, let alone a house. So that left one person.

"So when does Goku want us over there?" she asked.

"Oh, any time now. The sooner the better," Mrs. Briefs replied cheerfully.

"Thanks," Bulma said and smiling gave her mother a nod who left singing a tune to herself.

Bulma examined the metallic components on her desk, and leaning back in her chair, stretched letting a big yawn out. A party would do her good. For the past three days she had been trying to figure out how to capsulise a space ship and it hadn't been going so well. She couldn't find a way to stabilise the ship's Central Gamma Particle Matrix so that the monohydroxide levels in the processors would stay at a manageable level.

She got up and taking a deep breathe to prepare herself, headed for the Demon's Lair aka. Vegeta's Gravity Room. Even as she got outside in the bright sun, and the fresh grass, she could hear the sounds of training. The grunts, groans, and shouts of the hell beast himself as he exerted himself to who knows what type of torture. At least the others had a bit of common sense when they trained.

She walked over to the Gravity Room's door and pounded on the intercom nearby.

"Hey Vegeta," she shouted, "get your sorry ass out here!"

The only reply was a growl.

"You better get out here buster!"

Another growl.

"You really like using this room right?" Her voice suddenly changed into a honey like tone.

No anwer.

"Right?" said Bulma, smirking to herself. This was one upside to the day.

"If you think that you can threaten to take away my gravity room, woman, think again," came a very disgruntle voice from the other end of the comm.

"Oh, I don't need to take it away, I just need to wait until you break it again and refuse to fix it." Bulma could hardly contain her laughter.

There was one more growl and the gravity room's door finally opened. Out came a Vegeta who looked ready to glare ki blasts.

"What do you want, woman?" he grumbled.

"Firstly, my name is Bulma, B-U-L-M-A, not woman, and secondly, Goku has invited us to a party," she retorted right back.

"I could care less about anything that involves Kakarot, _woman_, so leave me alone," said Vegeta and he started back into the gravity room.

"His name is Goku, and you should feel thankful that he doesn't kick your butt off this planet considering you tried to kill him, his friends and his son." Had he emphasised saying woman that time?

"His name is Kakarot and the last time I tried to kill him, his brat and his little friends was business, next time it will be pleasure and I won't _try_."

"Yeah, right," said Bulma, and snorted. "Either way, if you want to use your precious gravity room, you'll come and you'll be polite."

"This better be worth my time, woman."

"The name is BULMA!"


	2. 

Goku tasted a berry and immediately regreted. It was sweet with slightly tangy that gave a nice flavour to it and the juice spread through his mouth making his tastebuds cry out for more and his stomach rumble. Using a great deal of self control, he put down the basket containing the other berries, somehow without eating without one more.

He had managed to get quite a good deal of food together without gobbling any of it, and he proudly surveyed his collection. Five huge fishes hanging by their tails from a tree branch, six baskets of berries including the one he had just brought, a dozen apples, and six more baskets of mushrooms. Goku only hoped it would be enough.

Gathering some wood, he used a small blast of ki to light a fire, brought a fish over. He had wanted to borrow some spices from Chi Chi's kitchen but when he had thought about it, well… he didn't feel like death by frying pan. He didn't dare think about using the kitchen itself either. Last time he had done so there had been some unforgetiful experiences. At least he wasn't the only one, despite Gohan's scientific abilities, the demi-saiyan had caused the rest of them to have nightmares thanks to his soup, and whenever he asked any of the others about their cooking expertise, he was met with a long silence followed by many hasty excuses.

Goku held the fish in the heart of the fire with his bare hands and enjoyed the warmth. He waited there for a while and eventually took it out when it smelled right.

Improvising a sauce, he squished some berries and mushrooms together and smeared it onto the fish. Steeling himself, he ripped off a piece of the fish and slowly stuck it into his mouth. It tasted… it tasted… GOOD!?

Letting himself celebrate in his victory for a while, he finished off the fish and happily cooked the others, giving each of them the same treatment.

__

Vegeta and Bulma should arrive soon, he thought and opening his mind, he sensed the enormous ki that was Vegeta flying in his direction with Bulma's much smaller power most likely in her hovercar about five minutes behind.

* * *

Soon enough, Vegeta arrived. Seeing the form of Goku far below, he stopped in midair righted himself and shot down to earth as fast as he could in an attempt to shock the third class. Unfortunately, the other saiyan only smiled and Vegeta felt a twinge of annoyment..

"Hi Vegeta, " said Goku, "glad you could make. How are you doing?"

"Where's the food, Kakarot?" Vegeta asked automatically, ignoring the comment, but before Goku could answer, the prince spotted the fish near the fire and like the good little saiyan he was, he went straight for it.

"Hey wait a sec!" protested Goku jumping in front of Vegeta. "We've got to wait for Bulma."

Vegeta's eyes widened ever so slightly and gave Goku a look of disbelief. "Wait for that _woman_? I am the Prince of Saiyans and she is the Beast from HFIL." 

"It wouldn't be polite to go and eat without her," reasoned Goku.

"I DON'T CARE IF IT ISN'T POLITE!" growled Vegeta. 

Part of him knew this was going overboard, but it seemed like that _woman _was taking over his life. Always ordering him around. _Vegeta, don't do this. Vegeta, don't touch that. Vegeta, if you're going to eat all the food, you might as well go to the store to get more. Vegeta, don't blow up the gravity room more than twice a day. No, you're not allowed to kill him._

The _woman_ seemed to have absolutely no respect for royalty. Only calling him 'prince' when she added sarcasm to it. She was an infuriating baka, who if he had his way, she would long be dead. No wonder that human Yamcha and her kept on breaking up.

Goku didn't budge."Vegeta, I suggest you sit down if you want to eat when Bulma is here."

It took all of Vegeta's self control not to smash the other man's face in right there and then. He actually had quite a good temper, but he definitely wasn't in his best of moods. He grunted and after glaring at Goku for while, he faced away from the food.

* * *

Bulma arrived a few minutes later, gliding over the saiyans' heads in her hovercar and landing in a clearing nearby. Quickly, she capsulised her car and walked over to Goku and Vegeta.

She scanned the area. There was a good size fire, a bunch of fish and apples stacked near Goku, who seemed to be guarding the food, and His Self Proclaimed Ruler of the Universe and Everything Else, the great, fantastic, and incredibly arrogant Prince Vegeta of Vegeta-sei.

To her surprise she didn't see anyone else. There was no inseperable Tien and Choutzu, no Yamcha, no Krillin, or even the coward of a pig Oolong. "Where is everyone?"

Goku rubbed the back of his in a purely Son gesture and said "Uh, they couldn't make it."

Bulma examined her best friend and raised an eyebrow. This didn't seem like him. Goku was acting uneasy, but she supposed it was none of her business. "So what did Chi Chi make?" Chi Chi always made the best meals. It surprised her to this day that Chi Chi wasn't a professional cook.

Goku smiled. "She didn't cook, I did."

There was a silence that came over the area and Bulma felt her breath catch in her throat. "You cooked?" she said, hoping this was some kind of joke. Though she couldn't claim that her own cooking was good… Well okay… her cooking stunk big time, but this…

"Yes, I cooked," Goku answered, a knowing look in his eye and walking over to his fish, he tore a piece off one and handed it to her. "Just try, you'll like.

Bulma assumed that he knew that he couldn't cook, but now he had gone and decided to try after all. Vegeta didn't seem any happier. Sighing, she regarded the fish in her hands. It was covered with a brownie-pinkie guck and she wondered if it had fallen in some mud. Fighting the urge to throw it down and run for it, she sunk her teeth into it.

Her eyes widened with shock and she looked at Goku. "You made this?"

He nodded with a smirk.

"It's good," she managed. It was good, but GOKU made it?

"Thanks, I'll get some plates." With that Goku pressed to fingures to his forhead and disapeared. Meanwhile Vegeta and Bulma were alone together.

* * *

Just on a note. Technically this was my first fanfic that I wrote a while back on some paper in one of my school binders, but I forgot about it and didn't find it until now.

One other thing, I hope I am not making Goku seem like an idiot. I've never felt he is one, but more than anything I think he can be naïve at times.

For next chapter we'll see how much I can made Veggie and Bulma suffer. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!


	3. 

Vegeta and Bulma eyed each other warily as if they were two animals in a cage, one prey, one predator. Both, despite the fact one had a power level higher than the Empire State Building, felt like the prey.

__

How does Kakarot handle this sort of thing? wondered Vegeta, not letting his frustration spread onto his face. _He has to live with that she-beast of a mate. Surely this has happened to him before… Then again…_He sneered at the woman. _…she will _never_ be my_ _mate._

Bulma on the other hand was trying to keep calm. _For Goku._ _He has gone through a lot of hard work for this little party. I am not going to ruin it for him, _she told herself, watching He Who's Flame-Topped Head Is Big As The Universe cautiously, _and if he tries something, Kami help me, I'll…_

At this point, Vegeta tried something.

It was a series of incredibly subtle movements. She was glaring at him with a ticked-off expression glued to her face when he flickered for the briefest of moments. Most humans would have dismissed it as a trick of the light, but most humans hadn't been around super warriors since they were sixteen. Even then it was hard to spot. Vegeta no doubt thought she was a complete idiot and wouldn't notice, or else he would have been moving faster.

Ever so slowly the saiyan edged closer to where the fish was, he expression as if it were the last thing on his mind.

Tapping her foot against the ground, she glared at him. "Vegeta-ble, call me crazy, but I think you should wait for Goku before you GO AND STEAL ALL THE FOOD, if you please. He has been actually nice enough to invite you to this party." Strange party though. It was odd that none of the others could make it. Was Goku up to something? She shook the idea off as soon as if occurred. Goku being sneaky was like Oolong being brave. "I am surprised he even allowed you to stay on this planet, and alive at that."

"Perhaps Kakarot some company that doesn't screech in his ear whenever she doesn't get her way."

"I do not!" Bulma screeched.

"I never said you did. You're the one who said so. I guess even you know it." He smirked.

"I DO NOT SCREECH!" Bulma screeched.

"My mistake." said Vegeta. "If you screeched in his ear he would go deaf."

The woman screeched some more.

Though he didn't show it, Vegeta badly wanted to plug his all too good ears. What was with earthling females? Why in Kami's name did they make such high-pitched noises? The last time he had heard such monstrous noise was when his mother had got ticked off at his father when he had forgotten their royal anniversary.

He knew some species used such sounds to scare away predators, but she had bribed him to come, so she couldn't be trying to get rid of him. Right? Of course there were other possiblities since ther species used this sort of thing as a mating call, but he woman becoming his mate was about as likely as a pink, food loving, fat man attacking the Earth.

Like that was going to happen.

* * *

Inside the house, Goku looked through the kitchen searching for the plates. He could have been done about five times already, but he wanted to give Vegeta and Bulma some time alone. Hopefully that was the right thing to do.

He had absolutely no experience when it came to dating let alone setting up them. Sure there had been that one time with Chi Chi when they were little. He remembered it with great happiness, but they had spent the day sparring and he doubted Bulma would want it. Besides Vegeta would pound her into the ground with one tap.

Opening a cupboard, he found the plates and took out three, balanced them in one hand and transported back to the woods, only to find the future couple hollering at each other at the top of their lungs. 

Before he could think about it his instincts kicked in making his hands come up and cover his ears. Unfortunately the plates started falling as soon as their only support mysteriously disappeared. Goku realising what happened, looked down in horror and ignoring the pain of the noise, dived and caught the plates before they hit the ground.

Sighing he put them on the ground, then grabbed some grass and stuffed it in his ears.

He walked over to where the quarrelling pair. Vegeta and Bulma wore matching scowls. While the prince was still attempting to retain his princely posture, the scientist rotated from thumbing her nose at him and shaking her first. Both had pretty much lost all dignity.

"Uhmm… guys?" said Goku.

Neither noticed him.

"Guys?"

They yelled louder

"GUYS!" shouted Goku.

The shouting started to make the landscape quiver.. 

Birds ceased their songs and flew off, some breaking the sound barrier in their retreat. Squirrels and other small creatures shivered in their burrows. Bears decided that an early hibernation sounded like a good idea. Many trees lost their leaves two months too early.

Frustrated, Goku forming a decent size ki blast, he threw it between them and was satisfied to see their gazes turn to him and blink a couple times.

"Goku, what do you think you're doing?" said Bulma.

"WHAT!?" shouted Goku.

"Why did you do that?"

"HUH!?"

"Why did you do that!?"

"PARDON!?"

Then Goku recalled the grass stuck in his ears and immediately removed it.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!?" shouted Bulma at the top of her lungs.

"You two wouldn't stop fighting," Goku said, "and you don't have to screech."

Bulma's face twitched. "I DON'T SCREECH!" she screeched.

"Just a sec, I need one more thing," Goku said, after he and Vegeta had exchanged looks. He couldn't help but feel relieved that he still needed to get cutlery. He wasn't sure how long his ears could take Bulma's screeching.

Vegeta was about to grumble something rather rude, but Goku had already disappeared.

There was a long pause and Bulma started to feel guilt about her treatment of Goku and of course annoyed at the source of the problem which of course had to be Vegeta. "You know, you could be nicer to Goku after he was so patient with us."

"Woman…"

"IT'S BULMA!"

Bulma felt her temper bubble under the surface. Instead of letting it overthrow her she began an intense study of some tree bark and to her relief Vegeta became the idol of silence and made no more jeering comments. Glancing over, she saw him glaring sulkily at the Son residence, but other than that the saiyan seemed to have relented.

As soon as that thought crossed her mind, she became suspicious. He was up to something. She knew him that he could never just co-operate. No, she was being paranoid. There was nothing to suspect. If Vegeta was behaving himself that was good of him. Why should she be like this? Even Prince Snot-head was capable of not getting into trouble...

Two minutes later, she was watching him like a hawk.

"Don't try anything, Prince Lettuce," she warned.

"I am not going to," he stated.

"Uh huh, just know that I am watching you."

"I am not going to, woman. So get off my back."

__

How gullible does he think I am? thought Bulma. _Of course he is going to try something._

Vegeta, on the other hand, was not _going _to do anything of the sort; at least that was what he had originally planned. He had decided if he kept his thoughts himself for the rest of the party (no matter how much the woman deserved his well-placed words) it might have prevented her from being quite a big pest. By human standards, he was trying to behave.

Unfortunately he was finding it wasn't an easy thing to keep up with. He turned his back to the woman, only to feel her eyes piercing him. When he glanced back at her, she was indeed glowering at him intensely.

Grumbling inwardly, he tucked his plate under his arm and started walking deeper into the woods. The woman was getting worse and worse. How did that human Yamcha handle her? He was her 'boy friend', a potential mate. Vegeta couldn't understand why her 'boy friend' hadn't blasted her to smithereens by now.

He heard footsteps behind and looking back found the woman coming towards him, an accusing expression on her face.

For a matter of fact, he didn't understand why any of the humans hadn't blasted her to smithereens. Even that pudgy coward Yajarobe could easily rip her limb from limb.

__

It could be because of her technical skills, he thought, _but then again, they could use her sire instead._

What was the use? Since he had come to this planet been confused in every saiyanly possible way and most of the humanly ways too. Out of all this confusion the thing that had got him the most was the woman. One minute she was screaming at him. Another she said her was 'cute'. The next she was screaming at him again. Then she was sleeping beside his hospital bed, waiting for him to recover.

Were all earthling females like this?

"What are you up to, Prince Cucumber?" Bulma said raising an eyebrow. She had had her doubts about thinking Vegeta was up to no good, but now she was sure. First he runs off into the woods for some reason and then when she follows he gets angry that she had discovered his plans.

"Nothing woman, I am just trying to get away from _you._"

"Yeah right."

Now he was making feeble excuses.

She advanced on him, her own plate held threatenly in the air. "Whatever you're planning, vegetable-breath, I'll find out."

"Idiot _nen'trwa _woman," said Vegeta.

Bulma snorted. "What sort of an insult is that?"

Vegeta's eyes glinted darkly. "It's a word in Manri, the language of the Dji'ro. I believe in your tongue it roughly means~" 

Her expression twitched and from the bottom of her neck red spread upwards. 

"Oh, there you are, guys!" said Goku, marching over just in time to see Bulma's plate go soaring at Vegeta's head.

Goku's face turned white as he watched Chi Chi's good china fly towards an untimely demise, but before it hit him right on the nose, Vegeta's hand leaped out, catching it between two fingers. 

Goku began to relax only to see Vegeta blast the plate into the next dimension.

No doubt the plate would enjoy a nice afterlife being eat off by an saint. Either that or be reincarnated in a safer place (like a nice missile testing site). Neither of these helped Goku one bit.

"Guys," he said rubbing his temples, "did you have to do that?"

"Sorry Goku," Bulma apologised, frowning at Vegeta, "I'll pay for a new one."

"They are family heirlooms."

"I've got a lot of connections."

"They've been in Chi Chi's family for eight generations."

She winced, imagining the Amazon princess' rage when she saw the plate shattered on the ground. Then she turned and scowled at the saiyan prince. It wasn't her fault, "He provoked me!" she yelled at Goku, sticking her flailing finger at poor, innocent (at least in this case) Vegeta.

"I did no such thing, woman. I wasn't the one who started pestering me."

Bulma flushed with anger. He DARED to accuse her of that. Bulma steamed inwardly and decided to show Vegeta that Manri wasn't the only language you could swear in.


	4. 

Looking at some of my reviews I realised I should give you a warning. This story is mainly a comedy. This is mainly the beginning of Vegeta and Bulma's relationship. As for romance there is going to be a little G/C later on.

* * *

While Bulma was demonstrating her verbal skills, Vegeta was developing a headache and Goku was getting desperate, the others were having their own sort of fun…. which was ACTUAL fun rather than insanely crazy, fear evoking, annoying, and other rather unpleasant things.

As usual Roshi's little island was bright and sunny. Its small land had the typical scenery but with the addition of the rest of the Z fighters, who were having a party as well…. which would not include two slightly unstable individuals. (Smart of them.) Together they had scrounged together enough money to buy enough food for them all.

"I don't think it's enough," said Tien, examining the table covered with bags of chips, drinks and a couple pies.

"But Goku and Gohan isn't going to be here," reminded Choutzu. "Me and Tien phoned Goku when we got into to town and he said they were busy."

"The Sons too busy for food?" laughed Yamcha, shaking his head. "Who would have though?"

The entire gang shared a chuckle.

"Say Yamcha, why didn't you invite Bulma?" asked Tien.

The ex-desert bandit shrugged uncomfortably. "She's been really on edge the last few times I've seen her. Vegeta is breaking the gravity room every other day and he is constantly threatening Capsule Corp. employees. I figured inviting her would be one more thing for her to juggle."

Tien didn't buy it. "You've broken up again."

"No."

"Don't worry, you two will be back together in no time!" chirped Choutzu helpfully.

"It's not that!" shouted Yamcha, putting his hands up in a distressed fashion.

"Yeah, right!" said Krillin. "Hey, don't worry. I broke up with Maron, remember? I know how you feel."

"It's not that!"

"Calm down, Yamcha," piped in Tien. "Launch and I have had a few spats. Besides, you and Bulma have been dating off and on for years. It's only a matter of time before your acting like this never happened."

"It's not that!"

On a hammock strung between two palm trees, Master Roshi stirred and slowly woke up. Despite his aching back, the elderly martial arts master managed to sit, examined Yamcha and made very satisfied smile. His baldhead seemed to shine in the mid-day sun.

"It doesn't have to bother you even if you don't get back together. Hey, if you're lucky you'll become a handsome old bachelor like myself," he said.

For some strange reason Yamcha wasn't thrilled at that prospect. He shivered and turned to Krillin. "If I ever start acting like him, please kill me."

"Oh, I don't know," the monk chuckled, his face gaining a devilish countenance. "It might suit you. I even have a pair of sunglasses you can have." 

"Hmm… Interesting that you should say that, buddy. _You _are already baldhead thing going for you. With those sunglasses and maybe a beard~"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" remarked Master Roshi.

The two warriors gazed over at the old man and then smashed each other on the back as they laughed like crazy. It was minutes before they could stop

"Okay, okay," chuckled Krillin as he wiped laughter tears from the corner of his eyes. "But really, what's wrong between you and Bulma?"

"Nothing really obvious," said Yamcha awkwardly. "The last few times we've run into each other have gone great. Truly. But they feel different somehow. There isn't any romance; we're instead two friends. You know the strange thing is that I like that. I know it's stupid but if I call invite her over, it may seem like a date." 

He sighed.

"Maybe one of you should call her. She's almost always got her cell with her."

A thoughtful quietness came over the group.

"Choutzu, how about you phone her," suggested Tien. "If she's on edge it's probably for the best."

The little clown nodded and flying along entered the little house.

"Hi Bulma," they head his high voice say, "it's me Chou~"

"WOMAN, HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A WEAKLING COMPARAED TO ME! I AM THE PRINCE OF SAIYANS. A ROYAL OF THE MOST POWERFUL RACE IN THE UNIVERSE! I WAS BORN TO RULE AND NOT NEED TO LISTEN TO THE LIKES OF YOU!"

"PRINCE TURNIP, HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT UP FOR A MILLISECOND? I AM ON THE STUPID PHONE! YOU KNOW, THE THING THAT SANE PEOPLE DO!" a second voice boomed from inside, quickly followed by a fleeing Choutzu and Oolong.

Master Roshi, who had been attempting to go to sleep again, resorted to wrapping the hammock around his head to attempt to block out the sound.

"IF YOU'RE WHAT SAIYANS CALL A ROYAL THEN I DON'T KNOW WHY THE SAIYANS DIDN'T KICK YOUR SORRY ROYAL BEHINDS FROM HERE TO HFIL!"

"Uh, guys calm down just a little bit," came another voice.

"KAKAROT, DON'T YOU DARE INTERFERE! I AM GOING TO RID THE EARTH OF THIS MENACE! **BIG BANG ATTACK!**" Scream. Bang. Crash. "KAKAROT, I SAID NOT TO INTERFERE!"

"But Vegeta…"

"Don't bother, Goku. There is no reasoning with some people. VEGETA, YOU BASTARD, I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU UNTIL THE COUNT OF THREE. ONE. TWO…"

The rest of the Z gang looked at Roshi's house in horror.

"How did Goku, Bulma and Vegeta get in there!?" asked Tien, shouting over the noise.

"It's the phone," Choutzu yelled back. "Their voices are coming in over the phone!"

"Then hang it up!"

"I'm not going back in there! You do it!" 

Despite the clown unthinking self-sacrifice and plummeting into danger when it came to saving the lives of his friends Choutzu decided this was out of his league. The gang was faced with a terrible decision. Who would brave the terrible noise to end it once and for all? Their eyes slowly locked onto Oolong.

The pig noticed and desperately protested. "Wait a sec, you're the ones with the super speed. I am NOT going in there."

The humans smiled.

You guys don't need to be told who hung up the phone. Do you?

Peace once again reclaimed the small island. Its inhabitants saved from permanent hearing damage by the evil force of Vegeta and Bulma's voices. Now, that part of the Earth can happily rejoin the day's festivities. All thanks to the brave efforts of the shapeshifter Oolong.

"I still don't understand why I had to be the one who went in there," he growled, rubbing his pink ears.

"Look at it this way," said Krillin as they started rummaging through the goods on the table. "We've all died at least once. You haven't. Call it pay back. Besides, nothing else can go wrong."

"Alright, food!"

Yamcha groaned as he looked over to where Yajarobe stood next to his hovercar with a _very _happy smile was plastered all over his face.

"You were saying?"

"Oh great, who invited him?" Krillin muttered, ignoring Oolong's comment, rubbing his temples.

"I'm hurt," Yajarobe said, putting one hand over his heart while the other one snatched a bag of Lays from Tien. "None of you invited me. I was working hard as always at Korin's, when he mentioned that you guys were having a little get together. I, of course, figured that you wouldn't be so cruel as to forget about me on purpose. So I came along so not to make you all feel guilty when you remembered me. I was being quite considerate after all."

"Yeah, Yajarobe. You're the most 'considerate' person in the entire universe, Yajarobe," mumbled Yamcha.

"Dam straight," said Yajarobe.

Not in the least fazed by his companions when they shook their heads, he grabbed Tien's Coke at the same time. The tricolops, now without drink and food, glared very evidently at him with all three eyes. Yajarobe, being the experienced pest that he was, apparently didn't see.

"Despite all you forgetfulness I even managed to get Korin to let me come down here." In one swift movement the swordsman's plucked the new soft drink that Tien had only just taken from the table.

"We'll have to talk to Korin about this," commented Krillin.

Yajarobe snorted and gestured towards the air cart that was landed on the beach. "I'm here on business, Chrome Dome." The car door swung open and a heavily bandaged figure.

"Who are you?" asked Choutzu.

"Baba, you idiot!" the figure yelled.

"Sis, what happened to you?" said Master Roshi, from his hammock.

"What do you think happened? That crystal ball isn't exactly easy to fly on," she growled.

"Oh, then why are you here?"

Through, the eyeholes in her bandages, she gave him a very gleeful look. "There is some _interesting _things happening at the Son residence and I was out of junk food. How about a trade?"

"Alright…" said Krillin hesitantly. He could already picture it: a new evil force was most likely attacking the Earth. Again.

"It's a deal." Baba promptly relieved Tien of his second coke. The poor warrior threw his hands up in exasperation. Why him?

* * *

Inside the little house, the witch and the gang sat in front the T.V.. Baba raised her bandaged hands and chanted, "Goba, buba, doba, dee~"

"Hey, don't you need your crystal ball for this?" interrupted Yamcha.

"It's for effect. This will do just fine. Now let me work. Goba, buba, doba, dee. Here me screen. Let me see. Goba, buba doba, dee."

The T.V. image fuzzed, wavered. For a moment it flashed with static, then again and again. Suddenly stopped, a picture formed and as the senshi leaned forward it finally solidified. They saw…


	5. 

This chapter was fun to write… Once I found the time. I was allowed to massacre all the French lessons I've ever taken on PURPOSE.

Well, sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Goku leaned against a tree with grass once again stuck in his ears. Despite the makeshift earplugs, he could still hear the shouts that strongly resembled a tornado in sound. 

A couple minutes back, Vegeta had finally lost his temper and in his rage attempted to blast Bulma to bits. In rescuing her Goku had by accidently sent the huge ki beam cureening into where the food had been placed. _Had _being the word. Sighing, he looked at the charred remains of the cooked fish he had worked so hard to create.

Now he had two angry, grumpy _and _hungry guests to deal with.

Those shouts of course were coming from the newly consecrated 'Least Likely Couple in the Universe'. Already, Goku had heard about twenty of Vegeta's famous 'I am the prince of saiyans and I have worked so hard than that baka Kakarot, so everyone should obey me' speeches and many words out of Bulma that Goku thought you could only hear on TV.

__

Kami, if you get me out of this I'll… I'll… Goku wasn't sure what sort of thing the namek wanted; he didn't exactly have a Christmas wish list. …_I'll bring you your groceries for a week._

Despite the insanity of that hope, he looked carefully over to where the to-be couple were residing.

Perhaps Trunks was wrong about Vegeta being his father. Maybe some other saiyan came to Earth and that guy was his father. At that moment it felt a lot more possible than the future Goku had been told of. Something he might have even believed it if weren't for the fact that Trunks resembled his father incredibly.

"I am the prince of saiyans! First and last of my bloodline! Through every second of my life I have strived for the smallest of while you have just been handed them! And you think I should listen? You're soft, woman. Soft just like Kakarot!" shouted Vegeta, on his twenty-first self pity speech.

__

Soft like Kakarot? Goku thought, feeling exasperated. _Every conversation he has somehow comes back to me. It's as if I am to blame for everything that goes wrong in his life. I mean, I didn't have Frieza destroy Planet Vegeta. I didn't force him to stay on Earth. And if he is so ticked off with me being stronger than him, he could try a different training method._

At this point, the prince marched over to where he was standing. "Kakarot, I wish to eat now," he demanded.

Goku felt his mouth go dry. "Uh Vegeta, remember when you tried to kill Bulma a couple minutes ago?"

He received a grunt in reply.

"Well, remember how I knocked the ki blast aside?"

"Get to the point, Kakarot."

"When I hit it… it sort of went straight to where all our food was."

There was a pause, then Vegeta shook his head and said: "You should have let me kill the woman."

* * *

Back at Roshi's island the gang stood in front of the television. Not sure whether to burst out laughing or to look on seriously, they ended up with rather weird expressions plastered on their faces, half between a grimace and a smile.

In the recesses of Yamcha's mind, an unsettling idea occurred to him and shifting his weight from one foot to another he glanced over at the witch. "Uh Baba, is this the first you've spied on someone?"

Baba stared back at and even through her bandages the two posy-coloured spots that suffused her cheeks were evident. Maybe she had more in common with her brother than he had thought and he and the other exchanged disturbed looks.

" Actually, I really don't want to know," Yamcha said quickly. If that were true he would never be able to change his clothes again.

* * *

Bulma covered his nose, trying to block out charred smell of what once was Goku's cooking. Her best friend was now getting a verbal beating from His Vegetable-Headness and seemed all too distressed. Poor guy. All that work for nothing. Still, she couldn't say that she regretted it too much that the food had met an untimely end. Though it actually had tasted pretty good, Bulma was highly suspicious of anything made by Son Goku. Already she could picture waking up with her stomach on fire from the little piece she had already eaten.

Feeling a little more cautious, she went to try and save the earth-reared saiyan from Vegeta's wrath. Despite the fact that she was used to Vegeta threatening to kill or maim her (which he did on a daily basis) and at times throwing small ki balls at her, this was the first time he done anything of the sort with Goku around. He was willing to do this sort in front of his rival it could mean that he could be serious. 

For all the bravery she had shown in the past, Bulma Briefs didn't fancy the idea of dying because such an arrogant, self-serving, pea-brained… _Get a hold of yourself, girl. Stay calm. Stay calm. _Maybe she was overreacting. 

"Vegeta," she said not angrily but firmly. Maybe she was being too hard on him.

"LEAVE ME ALONE, WOMAN!" Or maybe not. 

Without thinking she bellowed back: "IT'S BULMA!"

A heavy sigh came from Goku. "Guys please. If we can try to get along…"

"Why should I? He just finished wrecking all that food!"

"Then we could go out."

To her it felt like an icy chill had gone done the back of her neck and her danger sense started tingling. A simple equation popped into her head.

TWO SAIYANS + NORMAL PEOPLE + FOOD = DANGER

Unfortunately for Bulma, her mouth had a tendency move before her brain (a habit she had picked up from her mother). "Okay, that sounds like a good idea," and blinking she realised what she had uttered.

"Great, I know a place in town where we can go. The guy who runs it said I could eat there for free."

__

I wonder if that guy knew what he was getting into when he said that? 

* * *

Pires du Snubé neatly placed a pure white towel over his left arm, then tightening his bow tie, glided from the kitchen into the main part of _his _restaurant. His feet moving lightly over the newly carpeted floor, he nodded and smiled at various customers occasionally making helpful suggestions for what meals to choose (which, for some unexplainable reason, were always the most expensive things on the menu).

"'Scuse me, sir. I was wondering if you could give my brothers this place's kid menu," said a teenage girl, smiling up at him and indicated to the two little boys she was sharing the table with.

"Doo iee look like un waiter?" Pires asked, with a thick French accent.

"Uhmm, maybe a little bit like one," she answered carefully, hearing the warning in his tone. "The towel sort makes you~"

"Well I am not! I am the owner of this place and I deserve respect," he growled, his accent completely gone. He wasn't actually French. His name wasn't even Pires du Snubé. It was Peter Denis Snub, but he had always figured that if he seemed French he would get more business. Sadly, he had to still to deal with brats like this.

"Sorry," said the girl.

"Sorry est not goodé enough! Iee suggesté if tu want to 'ave un kids menu go to the restaurante across la rue!"

"Some people," she grumbled, her turquoise eyes flashing at Pires and grabbing her brothers' hands she dragged them out the door. Unknown to her, if she had been one second slower she would have banged into a grumpy Prince Vegeta and become a pile of ashes.

* * *

"Human females," muttered Vegeta under his breath and sent a glare at the girl who had rushed by him. He noticed the poor males who were trying to keep up with her so not to fall on their faces.

In truth he was unsure why he had even come here. If he wanted food he could go hunting, he didn't have to cook the meat. On Planet Vegeta cooked meat was rarity usually restricted to aliens, and a saiyan's stomach did not react badly to it like a human's did. It wasn't that they hated cooked food but the fact that when it came to waiting to eat they didn't have much patience if any. How Kakarot had done it with those fish baffled Vegeta.

If he wanted company, which at the moment seemed highly unlikely, there was always the other earthling fighters. They, unlike the woman, were affected if he threatened to kill them. So if he wanted quiet, he'd get it.

Taking a moment to think, Vegeta realised he had to give her some credit. Most people were terrified of him with the exception of Kakarot and possibly Piccolo. They had good reason to be. Yet the woman was rarely scared when he was around. She had to know how strong he was. More to point, she knew this and still she argued with him.

Reluctantly, he felt a trace of admiration. She was suicidally brave. He had to give her that.

"Bonjer, Monsieurs and Madame welcome to Noirriture Palace. I am your host Pires du Snubé." Vegeta looked at the skinny man in front of him. He strongly resembled a toothpick and Vegeta doubted that he had trained a day in his life. The dark moustache, which the man kept on twirling with one hand, seemed more like two leeches attached to his upper lip. And what was with that weird talking?

"Hi, I am Son Goku. I met you about ten years back. You said at the time that I could eat free at your restaurant."

"Eat free at _my _restaurant?" said du Snubé and pressed his lips. "Well, Mr. Son… Mr. Son… MR. SON? You mean you're _the_ Son Goku from the World Tournament ten years back?"

"Yeah, that's when me met."

"Well come in… er… I mean comé in à mon restaurante." Quickly, Pires all but ran over the nearest table and shoved its angry and rather annoyed occupants, an elderly couple, out of their seats. "Sit down here."

"But what about those other people?" said Goku.

"They were just leaving."

"No, we weren't!" said the old woman.

"Very funny, Madame McTarger," interrupted Pires giving her an especially hard shove. 

Promptly pushed her and her husband out the door and rushed the human and two saiyans into the newly acquired seats.

Du Snubé gave a smile that reminded Vegeta of when Frieza saw something he had something unpleasant in mind.

* * *

Yamcha frowned as du Snubé ran away from his customers, dashed into the kitchens and grabbed the phone hanging on the wall. "What's Mr. Snobo up to?" he muttered, but in truth he knew all too well of what was to come. 

During, and well after his career as a professional baseball player, this sort of thing had happened to him. It was never pleasant. And because of them, many people believed he was a pimp, had twenty wives, and was the secret heir to Earth's throne. For crying out loud, the king was different species, but for some reason that didn't matter to those who believed it.

"Snobo is calling the tabloids." 


End file.
